So, I had this idea several years ago that the way I would save myself would be to show us all the simplest truth we had ever forgotten. I had this idea that although I couldn't bring my mother back or dry her infinite tears or stop her from swallowing those pills, I could heal her. I had this idea that I although I couldn't protect my daughter from all the cruelties in this world, I could protect her from the fallacy that she wasn't enough, just as she is.
I had this idea that I would no longer work just to make a living,
(frittering away my time, my energy and my gifts for a paycheck) but
would live to do that which ignited me - use my words and my art to help
the women around me believe that we are boundless, timeless, powerful
I had this idea that I would look, really look for that one thing
that makes you a miracle, and then I'd show you in pictures the
sublimely perfect imperfections I see. I had this idea that when you left me after our time together, you
would be bold and fearless and joyful and wild, as a child spinning,
breathless, laughing, crying out, "Look at me! Look what I can do!"
I had this idea that you would look at your pictures and remember
that feeling over and over again for the rest of your life - even in the
everyday mundane - and so you'd walk with a little more sway in your
hips and a soft smile on your lips, this feeling warm and reassuring
inside you... your treasured totem held loosely within your palm, shoved
down inside your pocket.
I had this idea and I went for it. I quit my proper desk job,
downsized my life, rearranged my home and my priorities. I was told
there was no "boudoir" in Casper, Wyoming. That this is a more
conservative sort of place, and I wasn't in California anymore. I
worried they were right, but I worked and studied and learned and toiled
to prove that authentic, intimate portraiture of women is not cheesey,
trashy, seedy or tacky.
I had this idea. I sought you out and asked you to trust me, and you
did. I talked with you and learned your favorite drink, your deepest
fear, the part of your body you don't like to see in the mirror, your
secret wish, what makes you happiest. I saw you, blushing and all
butterflies, and I told you to jump on the bed and toss your hair, and
you laughed so hard... it sounded like Happy, and you took my breath
away. I photographed you that way. I showed you what my camera and I saw
that day, and you cried because you didn't know. You said you'd never
ever forget. I hugged you goodbye at the door and in that moment I
thought of my mother, smiling wide, and of my baby girl's shining eyes.
So, I had this idea several years ago, and this idea became my whole life.
January 15, 2008 was my first photo shoot. 5 years. I've been living
my passion for 5 years! This is not just a fun time for you, or an easy
form of photography for me to tack on to a list of services to make a
quick buck. These are not just pictures of you in your prettiest
panties and high heels. These are not merely a gift for the guy lucky
enough to call you, "baby." These are not even boudoir. These are real
life photographs of the real you during a real experience that changed
Today, I relish a kinship with the 107 women in Casper who've
inspired me to walk with more sway and smile a knowing little smile. I
cannot thank you enough for giving me the real, raw you with your
darkest Fuck You scars, your most raucous laughter, and all your
personal truths behind those eyes. Keep it coming. I will, too.
Yes, thank you, more please.