Ladylike With a Nice, Healthy Dose of Fuck

In loving jest, and sometimes plain, misinformed rudeness, I've heard it said about me that I'm an exhibitionist, a provocateur, and even that my artwork is pornographic. My own Gramma says I'm "a bit much."

While it is true that I don't have a knack for subtlety or modesty in real life, I don't create images and stories for the purpose of titillation. My self-portrait series' and personal essays have been an exploration of the various female archetypes, my own feminine roles over the years, and my own whispery ghosts and preconceived notions of what womanhood ought to be. The sexy is merely incidental. Make no mistake, I'm a lady. Ladylike, with a nice healthy dose of fuck. And I don't apologize for it, but I'll offer explanation as a polite nod of courtesy and extended hand in hopes of finding some common ground.

A photograph is a secret about a secret, and a story is just a story. You won't find truth in either. You'll find your perception of someone else's truth, which may or may not be a fallacy, an illusion... nothing more than roleplay. An imaginary tea party with plastic cups and saucers and layers of tulle and "clink - how do you do?" That is precisely what I love most photographing people, writing about people, myself included. I can be conducting a nude self-portrait series, thinking of a bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese french fries; but, when you see the image, you're certain I'm thinking about having sex with Will Smith. (Okay, maybe I am. After he buys me a bacon cheeseburger with chili cheese french fries.) I can write in first person about a wounded girl named Sara LeeAnn, and share this and that about "my" life - but unless you've ever been seated across the table from me and shared a cup of coffee, you've only just witnessed the most insignificant, fragmented facet of the complexities of this woman, this life.

My point is, we all see what we want to see. If we're lucky... I hope... where intent meets interpretation, there will be understanding.

From the 'F* Being A Housewife Series,' 2009

So, I Had This Idea Several Years Ago

So, I had this idea several years ago that the way I would save myself would be to show us all the simplest truth we had ever forgotten. I had this idea that although I couldn't bring my mother back or dry her infinite tears or stop her from swallowing those pills, I could heal her. I had this idea that I although I couldn't protect my daughter from all the cruelties in this world, I could protect her from the fallacy that she wasn't enough, just as she is.

I had this idea that I would no longer work just to make a living, (frittering away my time, my energy and my gifts for a paycheck) but would live to do that which ignited me - use my words and my art to help the women around me believe that we are boundless, timeless, powerful and oh-so-very-beautiful.

I had this idea that I would look, really look for that one thing that makes you a miracle, and then I'd show you in pictures the sublimely perfect imperfections I see. I had this idea that when you left me after our time together, you would be bold and fearless and joyful and wild, as a child spinning, breathless, laughing, crying out, "Look at me! Look what I can do!"

I had this idea that you would look at your pictures and remember that feeling over and over again for the rest of your life - even in the everyday mundane - and so you'd walk with a little more sway in your hips and a soft smile on your lips, this feeling warm and reassuring inside you... your treasured totem held loosely within your palm, shoved down inside your pocket.

I had this idea and I went for it. I quit my proper desk job, downsized my life, rearranged my home and my priorities. I was told there was no "boudoir" in Casper, Wyoming. That this is a more conservative sort of place, and I wasn't in California anymore. I worried they were right, but I worked and studied and learned and toiled to prove that authentic, intimate portraiture of women is not cheesey, trashy, seedy or tacky.

I had this idea. I sought you out and asked you to trust me, and you did. I talked with you and learned your favorite drink, your deepest fear, the part of your body you don't like to see in the mirror, your secret wish, what makes you happiest. I saw you, blushing and all butterflies, and I told you to jump on the bed and toss your hair, and you laughed so hard... it sounded like Happy, and you took my breath away. I photographed you that way. I showed you what my camera and I saw that day, and you cried because you didn't know. You said you'd never ever forget. I hugged you goodbye at the door and in that moment I thought of my mother, smiling wide, and of my baby girl's shining eyes.





So, I had this idea several years ago, and this idea became my whole life.

January 15, 2008 was my first photo shoot. 5 years. I've been living my passion for 5 years! This is not just a fun time for you, or an easy form of photography for me to tack on to a list of services to make a quick buck. These are not just pictures of you in your prettiest panties and high heels. These are not merely a gift for the guy lucky enough to call you, "baby." These are not even boudoir. These are real life photographs of the real you during a real experience that changed us both.

Today, I relish a kinship with the 107 women in Casper who've inspired me to walk with more sway and smile a knowing little smile. I cannot thank you enough for giving me the real, raw you with your darkest Fuck You scars, your most raucous laughter, and all your personal truths behind those eyes. Keep it coming. I will, too.


Yes, thank you, more please.

xo
Sara LeeAnn

Her Heart

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

Wink. ;-)

Bettie Page as Playboy centerfold, 1955.

And When You Caught My Eye

My heart stood still... Once again, I seemed to feel that old yearning Then I knew the spark of love was still burning There'll be no new romance for me, it's foolish to start 'cause that old feeling is still in my heart.



xo. Sara LeeAnn

Someday Soon

Someday soon I'm gonna tell the rainbow I'm in love, oh my, uh oh...




xo. Sara LeeAnn

My Gratitude Overflows

For awakening, for clarity, for peace and for all the love in my life.

And also for bunny rabbits, red lipstick, playing footsie, gentlemen who are not too gentle, poppies and peonies in the prettiest pinks, dainty crystal glasses and the sound they make clinking together, candlelight late at night, kissing and kissing and kissing, crisp white sheets, morning light through gauzy curtains, vintage girdles and garter belts, kinky fuckery, the perfect cat-eye, and inspiration all around me every day. 

 ♥

One Fine Day

Imagine for a moment one fine day... your perfect day, if you will. What would it look like?

Mine is colored in watery blues and grays, shrouded in fog. We walked that morning hand-in-hand down the beach, listening to the waves and gulls. Only our eyes spoke. And now, I'm in my silken unmentionables under a wool blanket - my skin still puckered and pink from a long, languorous bubble bath. I exhale wonder and gratitude as I lift my eyes from the old, tattered book in my lap to revel in the view from this bay window. Savory smells waft from the kitchen, as wanting hands come to rest on either side of my bare collarbone, and my head falls back to receive a kiss from the cook, who doubles as my paramour.

Now you.

Perfect Pairs: Pink & Corsetry

Ruth Knowles in undergarments, photographed by Erwin Blumenfeld, 1955.

I Don't Do This For A Living. I Live To Do This.

Empowering a woman, giving her permission to be her most beautiful, her most vulnerable, and explore all the facets of her unique and remarkable self is where I get to make magic! Removing all of the fear, anxiety, responsibility and insecurities, and guiding an intimate session that showcases everything she loves about herself and the things her lover admires in her is my passion and my joy.

The incredible beauty she radiates allows me to create tangible proof - something she can hold in her hands or gift into the hands of her lover, to be cherished, forever.

I don't do this for a living. I live to do this.

What are you waiting for? Get in touch.